Day 11B - A Camera + A Friend = A Day I Have Waited For Forever

What an absolutely, super, incredibly, fantastic weekend.  Nothing earth shattering just time with friends & family.  Time to get back in the pool for evening swims.  Lawns to be mowed.  Sleeping in til 7:30. My teenage daughter telling me she's bored (already).  Dinner's on decks.  Morning hikes.  Hearing my daughter play the piano and sing a solo at her spring recital.  Realizing that my life is about as perfect as I could ever hope for.  Funny how all the things that are part of my every day become the things that make my world amazing when I take the time to gather them all in my head and my heart and appreciate what at time slips by & is misinterpreted as monotony.
I spent Saturday morning and afternoon with my forever friend that I don't get near enough time with anymore.  I bought her a gift for her birthday in August 2012 (and I bought myself one too because she couldn't go alone) and we finally took the time to cash in and use it.  It was a day to have our hair and make-up done and then a photo shoot.  A photo shoot with high heels, mens ties, lots of pearls and two (slightly vodka induced) imaginations.  We got to see some of the photos that were taken of her and of I (only a few of us together (and not together like that - even we have our limits).  Those will go in our well hidden box that is destined to be published in the book that will be written about us once we're gone - maybe not on the level of a must read as Anne Frank but it's going to be up there).  What absolutely amazed me was that as we looked at our individual photos we realized that they were tasteful and for women in our 50's - damn sexy.  What a boost to our ego.  I highly recommend grabbing your best friend and making a girls day trip to a tasteful, reputable photographer and let them show you that you really are beautiful even with your big thighs and no longer flat belly.  It is the best thing I have ever done for myself and for my friend and it was the most fun we have had legally (just kidding kids - your mother has never done anything illegal - why do you think I take trips to Amsterdam??!! ).
I still need to lose 20 pounds but I'm feeling pretty good about who I am right now in this moment and I haven't felt that way in a VERY long time. 

Day 9B - Dresses

I'm back and hopefully to stay (or until I get rid of the next 20 pounds).  I've signed up for Weight Watchers On-Line but realize that I now have to learn to navigate a new computer program which includes documenting everything that goes into my mouth.  Something tells me that this is going to get old rather quickly but for now I'll do my best.  I'm not big on figuring out points.  I would rather put in the calories and have it tell me to keep eating or go to sleep (that's the only option that would work for me if it told me to stop eating).  I may have to go to the meetings to get the hang of the points thing and then do the on-line deal but at this point I've committed to 3 months on-line.  Let's see how that goes. 
My incentive you ask???  I bought two dresses and they "just" fit - OK, possibly a little snug.  I have been working on holding my breath for long periods of time since when I put them on breathing becomes a tiny little problem.  So, on that note, I need to get the next 10 pounds off in the next 30 days.  If that doesn't happen I will have to remain in the upright position all night for this little party I'll be attending.  No sitting, no laughing (because when I laugh I tend to lean or bend a bit), just standing which may not be a bad thing since I purchased a pair of extremely high heels (I was by myself and for a split second thought I was still in my 20's). I guess it will work out either way although being able to breath, laugh & sit down occasionally does sound a bit more appealing then the alternative.
My plan is to step it up a notch.  More time on the elliptical, more hiking on the weekends and more walks in my neighborhood.  We just got a trampoline in the backyard but I keep thinking I should be in a cute little skirt and crop top to work out on it and I know that that will be the straw that breaks the camels back for my teenage daughters if I go with that plan.  Sometimes even I wonder where this stuff comes from that pops into my head. 

Chapter 2 - Day 1B

Day ??  - Let's Start Chapter 2 - Day 1B
I'm back - what a crazy few weeks it's been!  I took a week long trip to see family/friends in Holland which included a trip to Amsterdam - now that is one crazy ass place to visit.  Coffee shops that don't sell coffee but do sell a variety of things to smoke.  Window shopping for scantily clad women and last but not least ~ live shows...  look that one up.  Quite a detour off the path of the one traffic light town I come from but an extremely fun detour.
Next on my list is this little Memorial Day Parade I've stepped in too coordinate after my parents ran it for 21 years.  This is my 2nd year since the "takeover" and we don't have enough time for me to tell you what running this little parade entails.  It's the largest Memorial Day Parade in the State of PA and over 5,000 people come out to watch it (our town's population is about 4,800).  It's the epitome of small town America.  Needless to say it takes up a large portion of my time beginning in Feb/March and becomes completely consuming during the month of May - hence the trip to Holland to regain some sanity in the middle of it all (and the fact that I have an absolutely amazing committee of 6 other women helping me).
So, my diet has been on hold.  The good news - I have kept off the 20 pounds.  The bad news is I have stopped working on losing more.  I have justified that by telling myself that this is my crazy, busy month and maybe that's true but the fact is that I don't want to give up and although I hate to say this I'm going to  - come Monday, OK, maybe Tuesday, I'm back on track.  I'm signing up for Weight Watchers and off we go on the next journey to lose the next 20 pounds of myself.  I sure hope it's a part I want to lose - like my thighs, belly, or lovely arm flab.  But my guess is it will slide away from my wrists or ankles or I'll get to buy a smaller bra size - yeah!!!  I guess it's worth the risk.
It's good to be back - I've missed you! 

Day 65 - Remember Me?

Here I sit - stuck!  I lost 20 of the 40 to 50 that I want to lose and I'm stuck.  I'm finished with the salad and powder packet diet.  I haven't committed to what my next venture will be but I need to find one and get motivated again.  The good news is I lost 20 and I've kept it off.  I've been exercising a lot - elliptical, walking, hiking, sometimes a combination of two and one day this weekend all three.  Still the scale stares back at me in the same spot.  I'm still watching my calories but there is wine involved on the weekends.  Can wine really be a diet killer?  I've been having dreams of someone trying to take my wine bottle out of my arms and I'm screaming like a baby and running away like an Olympian all the while trying to drink the nectar of the gods before they catch me.  Maybe I am too attached to my wine...
My sister came up with a great idea (she's always been good at making and saving money unlike her partner/sister - me!).  She has offered to be a coach for The B Team.  Instead of paying way too much for our powder packets we can each pay her $10 a week and she will tell us what a great job we're doing and even clap for us if the scale goes down the slightest bit each week.  I have to run it by the other member of The B Team but it seems to be the best offer we've gotten so far so we may give it a try. My biggest concern is my sister lives on M&M's and Good & Plenty's.  I'm not sure she'll have much advice for the diet side of the coaching we're looking for.  We better keep looking.
I got my passport photo taken today because my passport expired and I'm heading to Holland.  He took one photo and I looked at it and wondered who he had taken a photo of.  There was what appeared to be a neck on this woman in the photo and yet it wasn't a normal neck - it was a wrinkled old lady neck.  I made him take another one and it looked the same.  You have got to be kidding me ~ that is not my neck.  Well what was I going to do?  I bought the passport photos even though I knew they weren't photos of me.  I'm sure when I go through customs they are going to wonder who the photo of the woman is in my passport.  Just in case someone does confuse me with her I'm workng on a good excuse as to why a turtleneck is now part of my bathing suit and summer attire.  Getting older just keeps getting better and better!

Day 58 - Rice Krispy Treats - a Recipe from the Devil!!!

I would like to know who discovered the recipe for  Rice Krispy Treats.  Is there anything simpler or much better then those little marshmallow covered Krispys?  I made them for my daughter's track meet the other day and made the HUGE mistake of cleaning off the spoon (and maybe licking the bowl).  I added the mini M&M's and that sticky mess was taken up one more level.  So now I am dreaming about Rice Krispy Treats.  I ran in the door to make dinner last night before a meeting and realized I had an extra 2 minutes to throw marshmallows & butter in the microwave and I still had the mini M&M's left.  So there it was - a full pan of yumminess.  Now what??!!  Get them out of the house!! I have one daughter that doesn't like junk food and one that just got braces so leaving them in the house was not an option.  I threw them on a plate, still warm and gooey, and took them to my meeting.  That seemed to work well but it also left half a pan at home.  Guess what I had for breakfast (before getting on the elliptical) and it was heavenly!  I know, I know, just stop making this stuff...  well here's what I have to say to that - I CAN'T!!!!
On a side note there is something I would like to point out - being a grown-up is hard.  Bills to pay, kids to clothe & feed, a business to run, realtionships to nuture and a community to be a part of  & for me a constant battle over food.  I know that when I was be-bopping around during my teen years and my mom was telling me to enjoy this time because it's the best time of my life I remember thinking - you have got to be kidding me - I have pimples on my face, the boys I like don't like me, I have homework every night and I have a curfew - this is as good as it gets???  Shoot me now!  And as we know - hind sight is always 20/20.  Those were some pretty good years.  But although life can be hard it can also be pretty amazing.  I have learned what true friendship is.  I have learned to love beyond what any words can describe.  I have had the opportunity to work for myself.  And I have learned what it feels like to be part of a community. So I guess growing up isn't so bad.  Now if only sugar could somehow become good for you my life would be complete... 

RECIPE OF THE DAY -
ASPARAGUS SOUP
Trim woody ends from 2 lb.asparagus; reserve tips of 8 spears.  Cut remaining aspargus into 1/2-inch pieces.  In a lg. saucepan, warm 3 T olive oil over low heat.  Add 1 chopped onion, 2 chopped stalks celery, & 1 chopped carrot; cook 3 min.   Add 1.5 tsp minced garlic; cook 1 min.  Add asparagus, 1/4 tsp salt, & 1/4 tsp black pepper; cook 5 min.  Add 5 C reduced sodium chicken broth.  Simmer, cvd., 20 min.  Blanch tips in boiling water 3 min.  Drain.  Puree soup in batches in a blender.  Return to saucepan over medium; add 1/2 C evaporated 2% milk & 1 tsp lemon juice.  Warm through (don't let simmer).  top w/tips.  Add a sprinkle of Parmesan (optional).  Serves 4

Day 56 - It's Time... Time for Plan B

That's it - I'm throwing in the towel on the pre-packaged food diet.  I just can't do it anymore and it did what I needed it to do to get me started and get some of the weight off but it's time for me to graduate to real food.  Now to pick a diet (because I absolutely cannot keep going on my own).  I need direction, ideas, motivation & the big one - accountability.  So this week I will make a decision - Weight Watchers is at the top of my list but I've been looking into TrimLine (congrats to a friend of mine, Sue, that lost over 50 pounds on that diet plan).  The only problem with TrimLine is that there aren't any in the county I live in but I'm going to do a little more research about that one.  Ideally, in my perfect world I would have a plethera of chubby friends that would all be on a mission to lose weight and we would share recipes, exercise together, encourage each other and weigh-in in front of each other (and probably wear matching t-shirts, lose a ton of weight and be featured on the Today show for such an inovative idea - hey, I said in my "perfect" world).  But in my non-perfect reality - not all my friends are chubby and all of them are busy. We can't even make time for our weekly Wine Wednesday lunch.  And if Wine isn't a big enough motivator then talking about being fat surely isn't going to bring them out in droves. 
What about a private Facebook page where whoever wants to join can - fat or thin (we need input and ideas from the skinny people too).  I did something like this (about a year ago) w/a group someone started locally and it seemed to work pretty well.  They charged $20 to join and then at the end of 12 weeks whoever lost the largest percentage of body weight won the pot. Everyone that joins this page can post their recipes, their struggles, their exercise ideas, and once a week we post our weight (a photo of our feet on a scale w/the weight displayed).  Would anyone be interested?  Like I said it would be a private page - if you join you need to participate (no creepers allowed).  Hmmm... I'm kind of liking this idea (and it would be cheaper).  Let me know what you think.
Oh, and my excitement for the weekend was I dropped my iPhone in the toilet (yep after I used it - #1 only thank you Lord) and I was a little shocked by my reaction time - I pulled that little package of knowledge out so fast you would have thought it was one of my children.  Wrapped it up in layers and layers of toilet paper (I wasn't home) and then left the bathroom carrying what looked like a tiny baby Jesus (all swaddled up like that).  Stuffed it in a bag of rice as soon as I got home where it stayed all by itself for the weekend.  Without my phone all weekend I felt like a mom that feels like they left their child somewhere and doesn't realize it for awhile - ask my kids - I did that to all of them.  It was for very short periods of time so they were fine.  You know what I mean, that constant reaching for your phone and then the split second panic - where is it?  It was very stressful.  It does appear to be working but I guess they rarely go unscathed after being submerged in toilet water but we'll see. 

RECIPE OF THE DAY - Mine
VEGGIE PIZZA (The veggies are healthy but that's about the extent of it)
2 pkgs. reduced fat crescent rolls
1 pkg. dry ranch dressing
1 C low fat Mayo
1 - 8 oz. pkg 1/3 less fat cream cheese
1 C Grated low fat Cheddar Cheese
2/3 C each of Broccoli, Cauliflour, Carrots & Tomato
Spread rolls on cookie sheet & pinch edges together.  Bake as directed & cool.  Mix together mayo., ranch dressing, cream cheese & 1/2 of the veggies.  Spread over crust.  Top w/remaining veggies & cheese.  YUM!

Day 52 - When Do You Decide to Take the Leap?

I'm curious as to where this NEED to bake has stemmed from.  Wouldn't it be nice if it was a need to cook, or a need to clean, or a need to exercise.  That would put me at a completely different place in my life if my "need" was different then what it is.  My daughter in CO asked me for one of my recipes this morning and immediatley I wanted to run home and make it.  My other daughter keeps asking me to go on her Pinterest Page and look at all the recipes for baking she has collected - I can't do it.  I will stay up til all hours of the morning printing recipes and making my grocery list and then when I get a moment I will come up with a perfect reason to bake and bake and bake. 
It's an addiction really.  I actually convinced myself a little while back that baking is a workout for my arms.  I never use a mixer so I have to stir all those cookie batters by hand.  What I realized with that theory was that if it was true that flab on the upper part of my arms would not be flapping away when I'm stirring my workout cookies.  I wonder if they have any "Baker Support Groups - Hi, I'm Becky and I'm a Baker.  Anyone want a cookie or brownie, I have some in my purse."  (You think I'm kidding, I'm not).  I actually am known to carry baked goods on me or close to me.  That's a problem! 
So my thoughts are that maybe I can incorporate this need I have into a living.  The problem is that for years and years I have given my baked goods away.  I'm not sure how people would like if I started saying, "Do you want a cookie, give me a buck.  Say what???  I never had to pay for them before..."  Also, would I possibly ever get sick of eating cookie batter because that would have to happen quickly or sooner then later I will actually look like my Aunt Helen (that was explained in a previous blog). So I continue to put off my dream and come up with reasons/excuses why now is not the time (because I am making way too much money at my present job (I'm a realtor and a partner in a real estate company so that is extreme sarcasm)).  But I wait.  I wait for the time to "feel" right.  I wait for me to be stronger financially.  I wait for any possible reason to bounce around in my head to convince me I can't do it and I listen to it and wait. 
Now this is soooo weird.  I just went onto FB to see if I could find something motivational that someone posted that would fit my blog for today and my dear friend from high school just posted the following...
"Whether in your personal life or in your work life, I think this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt is a statement that we all should follow everyday:
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
Thanks Kim!!!  Sometimes the answer you're looking for has to hit you upside the head like a 2 X 4 before you realize that maybe, just maybe you should just listen and take the leap!!!

RECIPE FOR THE DAY - From Me

PEANUT BUTTER CHEERIO TREATS

3 tablespoons butter

1 package (10-1/2 ounces) miniature marshmallows

1/2 cup Jif® Creamy Peanut Butter

5 cups Cheerios

Place butter and marshmallows in a large microwave-safe bowl. Microwave, uncovered, on high for 1-2 minutes or until melted. Stir in peanut butter until blended. Add the cereal  & stir til covered. Spoon into a greased 13-in. x 9-in. pan; press down gently. Cool slightly before cutting. Yield: 15 servings.

Day 51 - What Kind of Motivation Works For Me?

Let's get one thing clear - watching me eat a plate of pasta - after not eating pasta for 49 days (but who's counting) and wondering at what point I'm going to use the little "To Go" container sitting next to me does not make me want to stop eating my incredibly, wonderful pasta halfway through because I'm on a "diet".  It does make me reconsider picking my plate up and licking it clean so for that I appreciate the support you've given me. 
I'm not sure what my rules are for the kind of support I would like from people on this diet adventure (I like to call it that now - it sounds more exciting doesn't it?)  I know what doesn't work for me ~ when I have a glass of wine on the weekend with my dinner and my daughter says, "I thought you weren't supposed to have wine on your diet."  My response, "I'm not, but it's the weekend."  To which her response is "You're weak!"  To which I slug her and knock her out of her chair and say "Who's weak now."  Just kidding - I did that to her in my dream that night but not in real life.  I used to beat my older daughter up all the time in my dreams (during her teen years) and then I couldn't wait to wake her up in the morning to tell her about it (with a big smile on my face because I felt great).  She never thought it was funny.  She didn't like me much during her teen years & I have to say the feelings were pretty mutual so it was the best I could do without being arrested.  My poor kids - I wonder if they ever wonder what it would have been like to wake up with a mom that leaned more toward the normal side then waivered on the edge of crazy!!
So what kind of fatty am I?  Who knows ~ I know I don't.  I do know that by writing this blog I have been able to share a pretty important part of my life with all of you and it has been such a great tool for me to be able to keep the humor in this very challenging journey I started 51 days ago.  Here's to the next 51 - hope you'll continue to join me on this roller coaster called my life ~ I like having you with me!

RECIPE OF THE DAY - Thank you for sharing Marj Kirchner
PAPAYA MANGO SMOOTHIE
Author: Pinch of Yum
Serves: 4

INGREDIENTS
2 large, ripe papayas
1 large, ripe mango
1 orange
... ¾ cup coconut milk (I used the kind from a can)
½ cup regular milk
1 tablespoon honey

INSTRUCTIONS
Cut the papayas in half and remove the seeds. Cut the peel off the halves, roughly chop the peeled papaya and place in the blender. Cut a mango in half around the pit (there’s a large pit down the middle), scoop the flesh out of each half and place in the blender. Peel an orange, separate the sections, roughly chop into small pieces, and place in the blender.
Cover the fruit with the coconut milk, regular milk, and honey. Blend until very smooth. Add ice and blend until smooth, or serve chilled.

NOTES
I don’t have a freezer so ice isn’t an option for me. Instead, I just keep all the ingredients in the fridge so when I want to make a smoothie, it’s all already cold and I don’t have to wait for it to chill.

Day 49 - Teenage Girls - Should Someone Be Teaching Them Compassion?

A bit of a different tone to my blog tonight because I am in Mom Mode and sometimes that is good and other times it means I want to hurt someone... Tonight it's the latter.
I still find reasons to bake so that helps me keep my sanity.  My daughter runs track so I try to bake for her team on the days she has meets.  I received the saddest text tonight from her which I will not post but I have to say that sometimes I wonder if teenage girls actually have a heart beating inside that cute little persona they appear to have on the outside.  I am so tired of her struggles in school and the damage that is being done to her as a sensitive kid and my feeble attempts to make sure it doesn't ruin the amazing girl she is.  So, I will continue to attempt to convince her that she is amazing and none of the kids in her life at school will be part of her life when she graduates from this place.  We will surround her with family and friends that nurture her and make her realize that being who she is is better then being who she isn't to fit in.  And most of all I will continue to thank God that I have an amazing teenager daughter that is caring & sensitive which seems to be a dying trait in so many others. 
I apologize for my rant but I'm tired.  I'm tired of being in a small community where I'm teaching my children the importance of giving back and how it comes back to you tenfold and then sitting back and waiting for that to happen to them and they wait, and they wait.  I know as an adult that giving back really does work that way because I have experienced it first hand so I will continue to teach my girls that in time they too will experience it.  In the meantime I will continue to cry over the heart break my daughter lives with through these teen years.  I will continue to encourage all of my daughters to be strong women but to never lose the compassion that so many young women seem to be lacking.  And most of all I will continue to be amazed at the strength they all have shown in being original and who they really are in their heart and soul without ever making someone else feel belittled or alone.
Tomorrow I'll be back to the fun side of my life (and I am blessed to have a wonderful fun part of my life everyday).  Thanks for listening, for reading and for being part of all this - even if it's for a brief moment.  I hope it brings you laughter & occasionally maybe even a tear or two.  It's been quite an amazing, new & wonderful experience for me!  See you tomorrow with a smile on my face!

Day 48 - Does a Photo Tell a Lie??

I know you will find this hard to believe but I missed weigh-ins this week because I was home with brownies in the oven for my daughter's track meet.  I do weigh myself on the scale in my kitchen and according to my scale I have hit my 20 pound mark but I will have that confirmed this Thursday where I will be reunited with the other half of the B Team.  I saw her at the track meet and she is down almost 16 pounds and our goal is to drop another 10 by May.  I'm in!!
In my mind I have this idea that because I've lost 20 pounds and I'm in a smaller size of pants I picture myself thin... The problem with that is that the pants I was in were a big size so although I'm in the next smaller size - they are still a BIG size.  So my daughter took some pictures of me the other day when we were hiking and when I looked at them I thought "that is one chunky momma."  OK, that wasn't really what I thought - it was more like "WTF" but softly so only I could hear it.  Now prior to my fat reduction plan I avoided pictures like the plague so I don't have much to compare then & now to. Prior to the 20 pounds down I would allow head shots w/my head held a certain way to disguise the double chin that was always waiting close by to expose itself but never full body shots.
So this weekend it has been reaffirmed that I still have a way to go. I have to admit I thought I was looking much more svelte then I actually am ~ dang!!  This diet thing is such a head game isn't it??!!
I met a dear friend of mine about a year ago over the phone - she was starting a new business, delivering cupcakes, cupcake bouquets & cakepops and I was telling her that I would help her anyway I could.  She sounded sweet & fun and I was anxious to physically meet her figuring she had to be a "solid" girl if she was baking for a living.  She walks into my office one day & here is this adorable, thin, petite, young girl that I thought was going to be a new bestie and my response at our first meeting was this ~ "Oh crap, we can't be friends, I can never lay beside you on the beach." She in turn seemed to like my wacked sense of humor and we actually have become great friends (but I have no plans to head to the beach with her anytime soon). 
I have spent a great deal of my life (usually w/another good friend when we are out for an evening) strategically placing ourselves next to people that make us look better ~ you know what I mean... looking for the chubby chicks to stand next to.   The one thing I've noticed is that I'm finding it harder to find people that makes that work for me anymore and I believe there are people that now stand beside me ~ the chubby chick ~ for the exact same reason.  Like they say, what goes around comes around...

RECIPE OF THE DAY - CURRY CHILI from Dave Crocco
1-Lb lean ground beef browned, add 1 large diced onion and saute for a few minutes, then add 1 can rotel tomatoes, 1 can coconut milk, 1 large table spoon of red curry paste, a couple sprinkles of chili powder and a squirt of shiracha hot sauce. Turn the heat down and simmer for ten minutes. Add a lot of frozen peas (or beans - black or pinto or a combo) and bring back to a simmer. Serve.
THANKS DAVE!!

Day 45 - Friends, Family and My Mom...

What a wonderful day yesterday.  It was a day of friendship and a wonderful reminder to me of all the blessings in my life.  I heard from friends by voicemail, text messages, took a trip to Philly with friends I love to hang with and got encouraging posts on facebook from family and friends.  The best message I think of all came in a text from my 14 year old daughter I wrote about yesteday and it said, "I saw your blog : )"  Again, a reminder that life reallly is about the little things.
So today I will return to my quest to rid myself of my fat that has become so consuming of who I am and who I want to be.  I have to be honest ~ this week has been a struggle.  I could make a list of all the reasons I strayed from my goal to control and conquer this fight I'm having within myself but instead I will spare you and I will recommit! 
I have not shared with my mom that I'm on a diet - for a number of reasons.  First of all they have been in Florida since Jan. 1 returning this past weekend for Easter.  She is not on a computer nor will she be so it's safe to say she won't be reading my blog anytime soon.  Another reason, my mom is small and thin and she can still cause fear in grown men and women!  Maybe because she was forced to play Mumbly Peg with her brothers growing up or because their family went from being a very successful family to suffering the affects of the depression and moving up and down the east coast to wherever her father could find work.  Or a number of other reasons that made that generation tougher then nails.  Anyway, she has ALWAYS taken care of herself.  There is a picture of her holding me at a few weeks old and she's wearing her skinny jeans - what the heck!!!  My mother has also never been gentle with her words.  Never mean or loud - just firm and direct.  We grew up with "that shirt makes you look fat" (OK, that's pretty mean) or "If you don't stop eating you are going to grow up to look like your Aunt Helen" (OK, that one is pretty mean too because she was like a manly, massive drill instructor that was as mean as they come - God rest her soul : ).  My mom was doing workouts to Jack LaLane when no other women were doing workouts. The true miracle in all of this is that my sister and I aren't anorexic.  Somehow we would hear the comments and cristicism and then go on our merry way eating what made us happy.  As I've gotten older she doesn't say much to me anymore - I think I've finally worn her down but my dad is now the brunt of her mission to make someone thinner and he too seems to smile and then pray that I've brought some goodies to the office for him to indulge in.
My plan is not to tell her.  The way I will know that I have lost enough weight for someone to notice will be the day my mom says, "Are you losing weight?"  Until that happens I will forge ahead!!!     

Day 44 - Are You Happy With Your Life?

Taking a break today from talking about food, fat and frustration.
Instead I'm going to dig a little deeper with the question of the day - Are you happy with your life? 
I was laying with my 14 year old daughter last night and she was asking me some pretty tough questions.  Now I have to tell you, I had had one of the most emotional and disappointing days of my life (although she didn't know that) so it was an interesting conversation to end my day.  The questions went like this:  "What if I don't live long enough to do everything I want to do?  Why do we have to work most of our lives when there are so many things to do, who came up with that?  Have you (me) done everything you want to do in your life? and the BIG one ~ Are you happy with your life?"  Wow, where has she come from to have the depth and emotion she feels about her life?  I thought most teenagers thought about boys and never looked up from their phones. 
So I spent most of the night thinking about those questions ~ especially the one "Are you happy with your life?" My response to her was that I am.  I have 4 wonderful daughters, 3 grandchildren (which will increase to 5 by the end of the summer) and I still have both of my parents.  I have a job I don't dread and people I respect and enjoy working with.  I have friends.  I have a roof over my head and food to put on my table.  That seems like a pretty good life.  BUT am I happy with my life?  I'm not sure I ever put much thought into it.  Am I doing what I dreamed of doing ~ no.  Have I accomplished everything I thought I would have by now ~ no.  Am I who I want to be ~ no.  So am I happy with my life - oddly enough I am.  So I have to ask myself if I'm settling and sometimes I think I am.  I should have bigger and better goals & then push myelf to achieve them.  I should send people I love birthday cards.  I should learn patience.  If I did all those things I wonder if that would make me happier?   Hmmm...
Ahhh to be 14 and have your whole life ahead of you to create and be whatever it is you want to be.  I know they say you're never too old to do and be whatever it is you want to be but I do know for a fact that making that happen becomes more and more difficult the older you get.  You have commitments and obligations.  You have a mortgage & car payment.  You have other people that depend on you.  Becoming who you thought you would be becomes harder and harder the older you get.  So my hopes and dreams for my girls are to seize the day, make a plan, work hard and most of all ~ Be happy with your life!!  In the meantime I'm going to put some more thought into her thought provoking questions.  Amazing how if I slow down long enough to listen my kids are constantly teaching me things I would never learn in my crazy, hectic world.  Thanks Girls!!!

Day 43 - Something Came Over Me...

I have no idea what happened to me yesterday but if there was food in front of me, close to me, somewhere in the same room with me - I ate it!  I ate sugar, I ate carbs and I was basically out of control.  I had become the person I was 6.5 weeks ago ~ very scarey!!!  I even stepped on the scale this a.m. and there is some damage done that needs to be fixed in the next 3 days.  I wonder what little switch got turned off that made me lose my focus ~ whatever it was I need to figure it out so that switch gets turned back on.  It is so frustrating that the bad habits I had, that I thought I had overcome, are actually sitting there just waiting to rear their ugly head and take me back to my fat ways.  So I'm going to go with the theory that today is a new day, don't look back, back to the program. 
My partner in fatness had been sick and we have drifted away from our diet partnership and I have never been good on my own. We need to get the B Team back together or I need to recruit someone that will stay on my butt and help to keep me on track.  Weird that at 50 years old I still need someone to hold my hand when I need to get something done!  That probably involves counseling more so then a diet buddy but that's a whole different Blog.
In honor of my Ninja Smoothie Maker that I purchased yesterday the recipe of the day is for, you guessed it - a smoothie!!  I can't wait to try it out.  Seems like a great thing to have with warmer weather on the horizon.  The challenge for me will be to not add my adult beverages to my thick, wonderful, cold, cup of yumminess...

Recipe of the Day -
FAVORITE SMOOTHIE RECIPE - From Sue Getz Kleinfelter
Peel and freeze a banana. Blend 1 frozen banana, 1 cup of pineapple, 1/2-1 whole mango and a hand full of kale leaves (pull off the hard stem) and 1 cup of almond coconut milk (or whatever type of milk you use). Blend it - it will be green but it is very good for breakfast.
THANKS SUE!!!

Day 42 - Uh oh... An Easter Set Back!

I've been MIA for a few days and I have to be honest - I haven't stepped on the scale and now I'm afraid to.  Had a great weekend in Washington DC which means I ate things I shouldn've and drank some good wine.  Also, I got to celebrate my first holiday since my diet began and I have to say I didn't fare well.  This is a holiday that revolves around a wonderful meal of comfort food & candy - I can pretty much say no to the candy but my job is to bring the dessert to the family dinner.  Their lies my problem - cookie batter!!
The good news - I only ate one meal, I skipped the filling and the garlic mashed potatoes.  The bad news - I ate some of the crisp, wonderful skin from the turkey and it was amazing and took me to my happy place.  The other bad news is I drank a glass or three of Pinot Noir (which also took me to  my happy place).  I did get on the elliptical last night but I don't think that will offset the calories I consumed.
So today I will drink my meals (unfortunately not Pinot Noir or Vodka) and tomorrow I will fast.  Weigh-ins are Thursday and I have to hit my 20 pound mark.  I did buy the Body for Life book this weekend so I'll start to read up on that 12 week plan and see if that might work for me.  In the mean time I'm blasting my music, dancing around my kitchen (maybe that's the problem - I need to get out of the kitchen), and with the warmer weather I'm heading outside to do some walking.  I offered to run with my daughter (she's on the track team) but she is not OK with running with someone with a bladder problem - KIDS - the smallest thing bothers them...  So for now, off to the elliptical I go. 

Day 37 - Weigh-ins - Missed it by 2 pounds!!

I just came from weigh-ins and I'm at a total loss of 18 pounds in just over 5 weeks.  Was really hoping I would hit the 20 pound mark but I guess I'll have to wait another week (and add 2 days to my weekly fasting - woo hoo!!).  I am at the point where my fat pants are finally too big so I'm starting a pile in my bedroom - now what to do with them??  If I had complete confidence in myself and my commitment I would pack them up and donate them but that's a lot of money in jeans and black pants to send out the door.  The plan is to never need them again but what if... If I don't have them lying around what happens if my smaller fat pants that I'm wearing now ever become to tight ~ I won't have them to slip back into.  The theory of getting them out of the house is a good one but can I do it??  I may need to stare at the fat pile for another week or so before I decide.
So I head into week 6 and I will get 2 pounds off this next week so I can loudly proclaim I lost 20 pounds.  Twenty pounds sounds like you are actually doing something about being fat.  Anything under 20 makes me think "that girl is going to throw those 18 pounds back on next week."  I'm not sure why the number 20 means so much to me but it does.  Thirty will be even sweeter and when I hit 40 pounds down I'm having a vodka tonic party for anyone that wants to join me in celebrating.  OK, let's be honest, I'm having that party a number of times before I hit the 40 pound mark.
So my date night of April 4 is fast approaching.  I slipped the plum dress on the other day - and although I'm not svelte, I have to say that it fits and I love it!  That will be one of my vodka tonic celebration days so I better plan on fasting Tuesday and then again weigh-in day next Thursday.  Starvation, leaves, veggies & vodka - I finally found my perfect diet!!!

Day 36 - Let the Fasting Begin!

Lock & load baby!  I can do this.  It's 8:45a.m.  So far, so good! Only 10 more hours to go.  I finished the "Last Supper" at 7:00p.m. last night so I only have to get to 7:00 p.m. tonight.  My initial thought was to call in sick and stay in bed all day watching movies but I realized that I have to face my challenges head on.  It's a bit mind boggling to me this hold that food has on me.  The thing about other addictions is that when you decide to quit you can still live without another drink of alcohol or another drug ~ unlike food.  You will always have to eat so it appears that this food issue will be my constant battle.  I would like to take this time to blame my parents for passing along this mutant food gene.  It cannot solely be my fault... this lack of willpower.  It is definetely not my mom's fault because I have never seen a woman with more willpower then my mother.  She can break a small cookie in half and save the other half to have as her snack tomorrow.  Who does that???  My dad on the other hand will hide in a closet to consume sweets before my mom sees him... Hmmm...I think I know where that flawed gene came from...
Before I'm too harsh on my dad I have to say I have never seen a more pleasant or happy man - ever!!  I absolutely believe that part of that carries over into eating food that makes him happy. His face literally lights up when I sneak him baked goods.  I realize this is far from scientific but as I think about all the happy people I know - it seems to me they are the ones that love to eat.  So does eating make them happy?  I believe it does.  When I think about the people that are fun to be around - we all love to eat - and not the leafy green stuff but the hearty, saucey, rich food.  The ones enjoying their salads and heading to the gym on a daily basis always seem to be a bit on the serious side and on a mission.  My mission everyday is to be happy.  Seems a bit lame and simple but I kind of like that about myself. 
So here I go.  Let's see what no food does to my happy mission today.  Luckily, for my kids sake, they are with their dad tonight.  I'm guessing it's not going to be pretty come 5:00 or so!!

Day 35 - It's Monday - Preparing Myself for the Fast

The scale appears to be stuck and I'm getting a little frustrated...actually a lot frustrated.  I've been exercising, making good food choices, didn't even have a glass of wine all week (or my beloved vodka tonic) and here I am - stuck!  It appears that I may have to take a shot at the fasting diet.  This is something that I believe I will have to prepare for but I'm not sure how.  I wish I had the drive and determination of a great athlete - they make up their mind and they do it!  Where do I find that?  Are you born with it?  Can it be a learned skill?  Can you take a "rarely do I see anything through" kind of person and make them a "driven to the end" kind of person?    I think I need Jillian Michaels and yet I know I would be crying the moment she started screaming in my face which would make her send me home where I would wallow and feel like a complete loser and eat sugar til I puked. 
I tried a personal trainer one time for 3 months.  She was so sweet (and tiny).  She was great the first 2-3 weeks and then I showed up one day and she became the trainer from hell.  At the end of 3 months and tons of salads I had lost 2 pounds.  Now my clothing was looser but the scale had barely budged.  You have got to be kidding me.  I got to pay good money 3 times a week for her to inflict a lot of pain on me and only lose 2 pounds.  "Oh, that's because you have built up muscle".  Oh you're right, look how far I can throw you!!!!  It's the numbers on the scale baby - that's all I want to see!!
So tomorrow everytime I think about food my goal will be to think about something else.  I need to change the happy place in my mind to be something other then a place filled with Italian food, cookie batter, wine & vodka. Time to google - Mind over matter!!!  I'll let you know what I come up with tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Day 33 - Peanut Butter is my Drug.

What is this relationship I have with Peanut Butter?  I realize I could stop buying it so it's not staring at me when I open my pantry but no - I seem to be drawn to it like a magnet in the grocery store.  I justify it by buying the Reduced Fat but the calories are the same - A LOT!!!  This diet is teaching me to have a new understanding (and empathy) of drug use, cigarettes and alcohol - the only difference, no one really notices (or cares) if I'm pigging out on peanut butter. 
OK, enough about my beloved peanut butter.  The exciting part of my day yesterday was when I was ready to get my pjs on last night I actually took my jeans off without unbuttoning or unzipping them.  My kids thought a party of one broke out in my bedroom (which by the way, would not shock my kids) and when I told them the exciting news they just stared at me. Oh just wait my skinny little teenage girls - someday you will be old and chubby (the odds are it's going to happen since we do live in the abundant USofA) and you'll think back on this moment when you're getting your pjs on some night and it will all make sense - you'll feel bad that you had your mom committed.
My goal today - stay away from the peanut butter.  I'm going to keep myself busy and I thought I would attempt to meditate.  The hardest part of that will be for me to sit still for more then 2 minutes.  The easy part will be to empty my mind - it's usually pretty empty! 
I would love to hit the 20 pounds down at weigh-ins this week.  My friend, Jen, did mention a new diet she's trying (which is slightly depressing since she is petite, adorable and skinny - you mean I'm going to spend the rest of my life on a diet even when I'm skinny?).  It's the 2 day a week fasting diet.  Are you kidding me?  A leafy, all vegetable diet w/out sugar or carbs isn't torture enough?  Now you are suggesting that 2 days a week I eat nothing? "Oh not 2 consecutive days".   Oh, well that makes a huge difference - now it sounds like a perfect diet!!!  Just when I thought that a diet couldn't get worse I am proven wrong ~ I know how to lose weight - stop eating anything.  Why didn't I come up with this one   Someone is making money off this new (great) idea.  If I ever look like her - no muffin top ever (even in tight pants), a flat belly, no flab jiggling from her arms and dark curly hair (oh wait, short of an 80's perm which I can't imagine ever going back to - the dark curly hair ain't never going to happen no matter how much weight I lose so I'll give her that one) I have no plans to continue dieting once I look like her.  This may be what goes wrong in my prior weight loss endeavors.  I have to accept the fact that healthy eating and small portions (or the 2 day a week starvation plan) will forever be a part of my life ~ it's a sad day!   

Day 31 - One Month Down & I Just Weighed In

The other member of the B Team is down for the count - sick in bed - which means she missed weigh-ins today.  We are at Day 31 and I am down 16 pounds.  That's a pretty good month especially since there has been some cheating along the way.  My goal is to have another month this good.  We'll see how that goes.  I'm anxious to start throwing in some other forms of exercise - bicycling, swimming, walking & pole dancing (I just wanted to see if you were paying attention - although I may want to look into that - you never see a fat pole dancer & I do want to keep my options open).  The elliptical, although it seems to be effective, is starting to bore me.  I bet that's a shocker!
The next goal on my list it to wear a dress.  Not just any dress but a beautiful dark plum dress that I bought about a year ago because I loved the color and it was originally $115 and I got it for $14.  I brought it home and showed my daughters and their first question was - why did you buy a dress?  You have to understand, they are 14 & 15 and have never seen me wear a dress, so it was a very valid question.  My response...  because I liked it and it only cost $14.  They just shook their head.  I hate when my kids are a killjoy to my little moment of retail happiness. 
The event is on Wed., April 4 and I am going to wear this beautiful dark plum colored dress that accentuates the upper portion of the front of my body.  I figure I better show those puppies off before they disappear - and they will!!! Now the choice is mine.  I can continue to work hard at this diet and exercising and look pretty good in my new dress on April 4 or I can start to waiver and then slip on my new dress and look like the Michelin tire guy.  I better get it out of my closet and hang it in the kitchen for the next 2 weeks.  I'll keep you posted. 
I added one other goal over the next month ~ to learn to dance.  Not formal dancing but just moving my body in a way that doesn't make people wonder if I'm having a seizure.  When I dance it appears that parts of my body are frozen while other parts appear to be moving. I'm not sure if that can be fixed without a strong drug or alcohol.  I know it was possible in Footloose so I'm pretty sure I can make it happen.  Time to head home and boogie on down, rock and roll and body slam the dog ~ this is gonna be fun!!!

Day 29 - My Obsessive Relationship With Food

Occasionally I wish I could crawl into a skinny person's head - actually their body too but I fear I would not crawl back out if I could squeeze myself in their body so let's stick with their head for safety purposes.  I wonder if skinny people think about food as much as men think about sex (which by the way is one to two times an hour and they think about food and sleep just as much as sex - that was a new little tidbit of knowledge to add to my "who really cares" section of my brain.  I LOVE google!).  Now, where was I?  Oh yeah, a skinny person's head.  Thin people seem to have to remind themselves to eat.  Are you kidding me?  Why in the world wasn't I given that gene?  I finish a meal and start planning on what yummy stuff I can have at my next meal.  I honestly can't say that I have ever forgotten to eat.  I may get busy occasionally but even when I'm busy my little brain is saying "Hurry up, we are way behind on an allotted meal."
My daughter is a chemist and I have mentioned to her that if she can come up with a pill that makes you forget to eat a meal or two (everyday) she would be set for life.  I know she could figure it out but she likes to make me work hard at my accomplishments - no short cuts for dear old mom - she supplies me with verbal cheerleading instead which I appreciate but deep down I'm thinking "Just mix me up a damn pill!"  I'm your mom ~ I'm chubby and tired and I allowed you to live through your teen years - you owe me!
So I fill my life with busyness in the hopes that I too will forget to eat.  It hasn't happened in 50 years but I refuse to give up.  In the meantime I will eat breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner, drink my 64 oz. of water & throw in some yummy hot tea (I'm trying to teach myself to like hot tea too) and say over and over again in my fat person's head... "There's no place for flab, there's no place for flab", kick my heels three times and wake up in OZ.  My luck I'll wake up as a flying monkey!

Day 28 - 4 Weeks Down, 12 to Go!!

At this pace - 14 pounds in 4 weeks - I will need to remain on this diet for another 12 weeks.  The likeliness of that happening are slim to none.  I plan on continuing on this weight loss journey but I'm not sure how long I can remain on the leaf, veggie and no flavor diet.  I'm leaning towards Weight Watchers or Body for Life.  I like the idea of Weight Watchers where I can eat anything but it's all about portion control.  My fear with that concept is that as time goes on my portion size may become misconstrued and soon I'll be back to my bad habits of eating portion sizes fit for a sumu wrestler.  I like the Body for Life Diet but you need to do weight training a few times a week and I don't want to commit to joining (and going) to a gym.  So for now I'll continue on my cardboard diet. 
In all honesty I really did like my Vodka and Vegas diet that worked extremely well for me last week.  Down 5.25 pounds in one week and I was a very happy girl!  This is one of those ideas I should run with before Dr. Oz snatches it up and claims it as his own, writes a book and makes millions. If I write my book first it's going to be called the Vodka, Vegas and Vejayjay Diet.  (The vejayjay siting curbed my appetite for a good day and a half).  This diet may be a regional type diet.  I'm not sure how our little town would react if everyone started carrying around their little goblet of goodness as they walked their 10 miles on their lunch break and yet it worked extremely well in Sin City! 
So I may just register my book title and work on the contents over the next 12 weeks.  Of course it would be a "do this at your own risk" deal and I would not recommend checking with your Dr. before trying it.  I can tell you that it will be a fun diet and those are two words you rarely hear in the same sentence.  I think I'm onto something!  When I make my first million I'm taking all my friends on a Carnival Cruise - I think that is another way to lose some weight.  Nothing like sliding around on the deck in raw sewage to make you drop a few pounds.  See that - the ideas are already flowing (no pun intended). Diets don't need to be boring and I'm on a mission to prove my theory!!!

Day 26 - Weigh In's Baby!!!

Weigh-in's yesterday... We walked in and I mentioned to my Diet Guru that I didn't fill in my journal all week because it was basically vodka tonics everyday with a spritz of 10 miles of walking.  She explained to me that I shouldn't expect the scale to move much because of my Las Vegas weakness.  I proceeded to kick my shoes off and step on the scale.  She pushed the hanging weight thingy (a technical term most of you may not have heard before) down the scale to last weeks weight and started pushing it backwards - I swear she kept trying to make it stay at the higher numbers - waiting longer then normal for it to balance.  Finally 5.25 POUNDS later she stopped.  WOO HOO!!!!  I slid my shoes back on and told her I like my diet better then hers...!!!  She wasn't as excited as I was.  So that puts me at 13.5 pounds in 24 days - I'll take it! The other member of the B Team is at 10 pounds down.  We are both quite happy with our progress. 
I skipped breakfast this morning to drop the other half pound so I can tell people I've lost 14 pounds - it sounds better then 13.5 pounds.  On our way out of the Diet Guru's office we met up with the head Guru and he asked us how it's going.  The other half of the B Team announces to him that I lost 5 pounds in Vegas drinking Vodka Tonics.  His response "Expect that to affect your numbers next week."  Wait ~ was that a challenge????  Bring it on baby!!!  I'll show him that my Vodka diet is just as affective as his leafy starvation diet and mine is much more fun!!!

Day 24 - Well Now, Wasn't I Just a Little Ball of Negativity???

Just read my in-flight post and what they heck was that??!!  Wasn't I just a little ray of sunshine?  OK, I'm done ranting about my self-esteem issues - time to look at the other side of my trip to Las Vegas!  Here is a list of all the amazing things that I really did love about Vegas. 
1. I got to go to Las Vegas.
2. We had a fantastic view of the strip from our room. 
3. We went to a great comedy show at the Riveria
4. We went to Cirque Du Soleil's show ~ Zumanity (incredibly sensual and very entertaining
5. We saw Celine Dion at Ceasar's - amazing show!
6. We went to the Mob Experience at the Tropicana
7. We rode the roller coaster at New York, NY
8. We had an incredible meal at a lovely outdoor cafe at the Paris with a perfect view of the water show at the Bellagio.
9. The weather was perfect - in the 70's
10. We did a lot of walking w/some outdoor drinking when we wanted to take a break.
11. We went to two dueling piano bars
12. We heard some great motivational speakers at the PRU Convention.
13. I learned how sports betting works.
14. We had a fun dinner & desserts night w/some of our realtors and spouses.
15. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST was who was with me on my trip ~ my honey!  We really did enjoy all of our time together (except when I got a bit grouchy walking in my heels til my feet were on fire).  I loved the hand holding and contentment I feel when we're together.  And best of all - he loves me no matter what size or shape I am.  I am one lucky gal!!!
So I'm bringing sunshine and positiveness back to my blog (that does not rule out my gift of sarcasm of course).  Weigh-ins are postponed til tomorrow due to my daughter's track meet today!  I'll keep you posted!!!

Day 23 - I'm Back - Did You Miss Me?

I'm writing this on my return flight from Vegas (had to pay $6 but I've missed all of you so much that I figured it was worth the expense to reconnect with you ~ nothing is too good for my friends).  The trip to Vegas was fun, informative (it was for a Prudential Convention) and a little depressing...  The question kept popping into my head that if there is a God why exactly did he make some of the females in this world have perfectly round butts, amazing thighs, beautiful faces & perfect breasts (oh wait, those can be bought).  Seems slightly unfair if you ask me. It is a hard place to get all decked out for to wander out of your room into a sea of women in CFM heels  (sorry anyone under 21 reading this), breasts bulging out of their skin tight, very short dresses (which was the cause of a very disturbing scene at a dulling piano bar one evening when a short, drunk & overweight cutey leaned back against her boyfriend, legs wide open and shared a view of her vajayjay w/me) and beautiful youthfulness.  Then you get to wander into the casinos to find almost naked girls dancing on the tables while people are betting all around them. "Hey, honey look at my new orthopedic shoes I got for this trip for all this walking we are going to be doing - they even have a little heel to make me look sexy.  Honey, honey, I'm over here - remember me??"
I walked every set of stairs I came to - no escaltors, sugar or bread for me - no sir!  I have willpower I tell you.  That is until we were walking for a block or so (which in Vegas means for 1.2 miles) and I became thirsty.  There is a rule against only drinking water while in Vegas and I am a firm believer in following the rules ~ OK, not really, but my water drinking days came to a screeching halt over the last 5 days.  Although the smaller version of what appeared to be water w/a refreshing little green lime floating in it seemed to be just as refreshing as the 64oz of water I've been consuming everday for the last 3 weeks.
I did put $20 in the slot machines last night ~ seemed like I should since I was in Vegas.  I'm not a gambler & would rather have something tangible in my hands after having $20 taken out of them.  Instead, after a mere 15 minutes I walked away with a 20 cent voucher which I did make my honey take to a cash window to be changed into real money.  So that little experience worked well - I lost $19.80 in 15 minutes, had nothing to show for it AND it put me in a bad mood.  Vegas is just a blast ~ kills my self-esteem, takes my money & hurts my feet!
Weigh-ins tomorrow.  If one glass of vodka and half a glass of wine last week only made the scale move a pound - I figure I'll be up about 15 pounds tomorrow...  Should be interesting!!!
I'll be glad to get home.  I've missed all of you!!!

Day 17 - My Pants are Baggy - OK, at Least One Pair Are!

Getting dressed for work this morning I grabbed a pair of black pants (surprise - that's the only color I wear if I'm not wearing jeans) and slipped them on and I actually couldn't wear them because they were too baggy - woo hoo!  Now, this is where the dieting part has not become a complete, 100% part of my brain... I immediately wanted to go celebrate with a giant bowl of oatmeal with brown sugar & cinnamon on top.  The good thing is I wanted a big bowl of oatmeal and not a cream filled doughnut so at least I'm on the way to being healed of this worshipping I have done for so long to my Sugar God!  I stepped on the scale, which I realize is an inatimate object but I have come to form a love/hate relationship with, and the numbers are moving in the right direction.
I absolutely believe it's the exercise I have started that is helping things to move along at the pace I expect/need them too for me to keep going.  I also am floored at the encouragement from everyone around me.  The best thing I've done is invited so many of you into my wacky, wonderful diet journey.  To my family that lets me have the extra vegetables at dinner (I'm sure they hate giving those up), to my friends that don't encourage me to cheat and even let me have a shot of water with them when we are celebrating our girl time.  And to Jen Soliday, in our office, who has been an amazing source of daily encouragment and great suggestions to help me keep my eye on the prize!!  So the saying goes - It takes a village to get Becky to lose weight - or something like that!!!

Day 16 - Are you frickin' kidding me...

Note to self - Find another diet!!!  Let me just give you my total loss in 2 weeks - 8 pounds!  Not bad you say but my total loss for this past week - 1 pound - yep, 1 pound.  I realize I'm going to have good and bad weeks but I followed this diet to the T every day (except for the peanut butter and alcohol incident).  The 2 T of peanut butter and 1 vodka tonic & half glass of wine she assures me was the cause of the slow down in my weight loss.  You have got to be kidding me.  I eat lettuce til it's coming out  my ears, more vegetables in the last 2 weeks of my life then I have in my whole 50 years of being alive, and chicken sales have gone up at our local grocery store.  And above all that - I'm not eating ANY sugar.  That alone should be taking the pounds off faster then 1 pound a week.  As I mentioned before - patience is not my virtue!!!  OK, I'm done complaining.
Weirdest part of this diet is they tell you not to exercise which at first sounded fantastic - lose all this weight and you don't have to get your fat ass off the couch - doesn't get much better then that!! Now I'm thinking it slows down your weightloss so you have to stay on this diet (buying your packaged meals) longer then you would have to if you threw in a sit up here and there.  Well I think it's time to go out on a limb and drag this load of a body onto the elliptical this week and see what the scales say next week.  I'm heading to Vegas and I can tell you right now - I plan on skipping the peanut butter  but there will be more then a drink and a half written down in my journal.  In Vegas style let's take a bet and see if exercise and drinking will bring more then 1 pound off that number on the scale next week.  I'm going to go with - IT BETTER!!!
Off to the elliptical I go!

Day 15 - Cold Weather ~ I Don't Mind... WEIRD!

For years I have attempted to convince myself that I don't mind winter and the lovely bitter cold weather that comes along with it ~ which I really don't mind if it includes being at the top of a mountain with skis on.  But with the forecast of snow in the plans for tonight I am rethinking the reason I try to convince myself that being cold is good.  I finally figured it out.  Do you realize the amount of clothing you can wear in cold weather?  I can cover up my arms that have taken on a life of their own if raised to wave to someone.  I can wear layers that cover up this belly that I look at and wonder when I ever thought it was OK to allow it to not fit inside my pants I wear but instead ooze out over the top and I can cover up these thighs that would make people believe I have competed in speed racing at the Olympics.  Ahhh... that's why I love cold weather.
As spring is on the horizon and less clothes are required I will once again be required to be creative in "attempting" to fool myself and those around me into believing that I'm actually not that big that it's that big Hawiaan blouse with the big flowers that make me look 30 pounds heavier...
So come on baby... bring it on!  I'm getting rid of this extra mini me that has attached itself to me in the form of flab and I'm slipping into some shorts this summer!!!  (A little bummed I missed the window of wearing those little butt showing shorts - now that would be a goal to strive for but at 50 I apologize for giving anyone close to me that split second image).
Come on summer - this year I'll be ready for you!!!

Day 14 - Restaurants in NYC

Here's a little tidbit of info for you - There are 3,500 restuarants in Manhattan, NY City.  If you wanted to try a new one every day it would take you over 9.5 years.  That's a lot of restaurants!!!  Now, if you're on a VERY restricted diet which city do you think you should attempt to avoid???  Well, not me ~ I decided to test my willpower and head on in!   I must say that week 2 appears to be getting better.  I was OK watching my tall, thin honey eat the bread from the bread bowl they set on the table, dipping his herb and garlic encrusted french fries in his ketchup and drinking his beer at the different pubs we stopped in throughout the city.
CONFESSION #2 ~ (Confession #1 was the peanut butter incident last week)
I did have a delicious vodka tonic with my lunch on Saturday and half a glass of wine w/dinner Saturday night - worth every sip!  Ate a salad w/a little bit of balsamic vinegar on it.  And had pork medallions (allowed) in a fruit sauce (not allowed).  I did scape off the sauce but short of rubbing them off with my napkin, I ate some sauce. 
So how can I assure a negative number at my weigh-in's on Wed?  I know - Cut my hair!!!  I have very thick hair and it was getting long (for me).  Walked in a haircuttery in NYC on Sat and had a very hip Italian guy give me a pixie cut - I think that will give me a pound - if not two.  I have stopped shaving my legs weeks ago to use some week when the extra lost poundage may be needed.
One thing has not changed - I LOVE NYC!!!
It's Monday, back on track! 

Day 11 - Baking is my Therapy ~ Now What?

Baking is my therapy.  No baking is becoming a big problem.  I was hoping making healthy meals would fill the void that baking has left but it is not near as much fun and no one wants to lick the spoon ~ "Hey kids, who wants to lick the broccoli and cauliflour spoon"...  just not the same!  Time to put Plan B into effect.  One little problem - I don't have a Plan B!
So here's my dilemma - I gave up biting my nails, can't drink wine, can't bake (because I can't lick the spoon) and no carbohydrates.  This just possibly could be one of those "When 6 doors close at least one has to open" moments.  Maybe I will finally learn how to dance, or sing at the top of my lungs, or organize my closets.  I'm sure at the end of week 2 everything will be clear and baking will be a distant happy memory. I'll keep you posted.
CONFESSION # 1 - This side of The B Team had a little slide down the slippery slope called willpower. I ate two large spoonfuls of Peanut Butter. One of the most wonderful creations ever made is peanut butter and I finally caved - it made me incredibly happy. No looking back ~ I'm on a mission!

Day 9 - Does Time Seem to be Flying By??

You know that phrase - "Doesn't time just fly by the older you get?"   Well I have discovered an incredibly affective way to make time all but stand still... GO ON A DIET!!  The days seem long and filled with one goal - make it to the next meal without chewing off your arm (and not dream about the wine you used to drink with a good meal or just because it's Friday).  We're on Day 9 and I swear before The B Team diet this would be day 32 of a content, carbohydrate & sugar filled body!  This slow down not only is making my work days longer - because I have more hours that I'm not eating at my desk -  it is also making my work week longer and taking a whole heck of a lot longer to get to a weekend.  So there you have it ~ all the benefits of being on a diet.
So, off I go to New York City for the weekend and then Las Vegas next weekend.  Now imagine going to these two wonderful places carrying only your water bottle and "small" packets of food.  Puts a whole new twist on the excitement doesn't it!  Luckily the company I keep on both trips far outweighs (HA!) any food or alcoholic beverage I'm missing out on (except that vodka tonic I would just about run over my mother for...!!!).  

Day 8 - Drum Roll Please...

The day has finally arrived - time to weigh in.  Now I noticed immediately that my partner's wrists were much smaller then last week so I knew we were going to have good numbers...  Our total combined weight loss was a whopping 13 pounds.  My partner was a bit disappointed - she was hoping we could do 10 each but I convinced her that are bodies are in shock and they believe we are starving so they are telling the fat to stay put - that it may be needed.  Next week will be even better!!!  We did have to get on a scale that told us much more then we ever wanted/needed to know.  One of the little tidbits of info it provided us with was our metabolic age and it basically said are bodies are so old we should both be dead!  My partner would not allow me to put her metabolic age on our blog so I'm going to do like I did for the combined weight loss and do our combined metabolic age which would be 168 years old.  So now if you decide to continue to read our blog you will not only be able to watch the weight fall off but you will actually be able to see us get younger.  Now that is darn good, free entertainment if you ask me!
I think tonight I'm going to dream about Benjamin Button!

Day 6 - Plate Size

Today we went out to eat and it happened to be a buffet & I have to admit, it brought tears to my eyes - all that decadant, wonderful food, that a week prior would have found it's way into my mouth, was now only a painful tease to be stared at.  I pulled myself together, told myself over and over again how incredibly delicious vegetables are and that at the end of week 2 I will never want to make a full meal out of a couple of giant, chocolate covered peanut butter balls ever again. I now understand the "small plate" concept.  I ordered an omelet with raw veggies and checked out the other THREE tables of food and realized that was all that was going to lay on my plate.  I felt bad for it as it laid there lonely and alone. So right then and there I decided I was going to dig out an old tea set that my girls have outgrown and use those dishes from now on allowing me to have 2nds and 3rds at every meal.  I'm pretty darn excited about this. 
Tomorrow Day 7 - One full week of the exciting new chapter in my life (remember my post from yesterday - my sarcasm is on the rise).  Tuesday is the "big" weigh in day.  I think The B Team will post a combination weight loss each week since this is a team effort (unless I lose a lot more then my partner - then I will post my own).  Also, tomorrow is "Small packet of food" ordering day- I ordered 14 snacks and 7 meals - yep, I think I'm on the road to recovery!

Day 5 - Who am I?

Today I woke up and I am absolutely sure that the weight is falling off faster then I ever dreamed - oh wait, I was writing that in my sleep - my pants are still tight.  Five days of grazing ~ seems as though that should have loosened up my jeans a smidge.  Patience has never been my virtue.
I've noticed that my personality seems to be changing ever so slightly each day.  I seem to swear just a tad more and my gift of sarcasm seems to be ratcheted up to a whole new level.  It will be interesting to see who I will actually turn out to be once I reach my goal weight. One thing I believe I have figured out is why so many skinny girls are bitches - THEY ARE HUNGRY!!!!

Day 4 - Fundraising

I do the fund raising for the Annville Memorial Day Parade so I am always looking for new ideas.  An extremely strange dream I had last night involving jello (I'll get back to that) had me a little confused about it's meaning so I put it on the back burner to think about at a later time.  So off I go to begin my day - drink my water, eat my little packet of pudding (amazing how a week ago I was a fast eater - not anymore - I cut down on my shower time just so I could take longer to eat my pudding before starting my work day.- don't worry I'm still cleaning the important stuff), and then packed up my large grocery bag full of my lunch - lettuce!!!
I headed to watch my nephew wrestle at District Championships this afternoon and poof - my dream made sense.  When The B Team reaches their goal weight we will hold a jello wrestling event (it's always been on my Bucket List) and although we are friends we will compete against each other.  If we held the event now it would have to be a Sumo Wrestling event and I just don't think that will bring in the money we're looking to raise. 
So about my jello dream, let's just say that if I'm going to dream about food every night these are the kind of dreams I want to be having.  Plus, it appears to have inspired my creativity.  Wouldn't you pay $50 to see The B Team wrestle???  I guess I better run this by the other member of The B Team before I print up the flyers.

Day 3 - I Have an Idea - It's Called Hibernation

My butt is dragging this morning.  Already had my snack - which I usually stare at until at least 2:30-3:00.  I don't think that's a good sign.  Next I almost fell asleep on my 3 mile drive to my office.  And last - I'm still fat.  I truly believed that once I started this diet I would just see the weight fall off.  Now I realize it's Day 3 but Day 3 of grazing compared to what I was consuming in a day should be enough for my pants to be feeling a little looser.  I sure hope my expectations aren't too high!!
You know how you come up with a great idea and then never do anything about it and about a year or so later someone is a millionaire because they had the ambition to act on their creativity.  This may be one of those regrets for The B Team but we're going to throw it out there.  We put our snouts together and we think we have the perfect diet.  The Hibernation Diet.  Who really wants to be awake through the winter months anyway.  You rent a comfy, cozy hole, curl up in a ball and go to sleep for 3 months.  At the end of 3 months, someone wakes you up, you crawl out and POOF you are 30-50 pounds lighter.  I realize there would be a lot more too this but I'm throwing out the basic idea for someone to run with (and make millions).  Am I looking for a shortcut to getting rid of this body I have worked so hard over the years to expand to the point where my skin hurts - you betcha!  But for now I guess grazing my day away will have to be choice number 2. 

A Partner Setback

I got through lunch - painfully!  No one in their right mind can eat 4 quarts of salad a day.  I don't want to harp on this salad thing but holy crap!  I have never, as long as I can remember, not been able to clean my plate - I was never going to go to bed feeling bad about the starving children in Africa (that sounds wrong seeing that in writing, I do care about the starving children in Africa and next week I will be packing up huge boxes of lettuce to share with them). Anyway, my point is I CAN'T DO IT!!  I cannot eat 2 quarts of lettuce at a sitting - I don't care what you throw on top of it.  This is going to be a problem.  How can it possibly affect how much weight I lose each week if I cut my lettuce intake back to 1 quart a day...???  Time to check in with the other half of Team B.
She assured me it's a filler and she believes we can leave it out as long as we don't replace it with something else - that's why I love her!  She has saved me from the nightmare that was about to occur tonight if I ate 2 more quarts of lettuce with my dinner. 
As a side note, before I praise the other half of The B Team too much - she actually had a little slip off the diet we had dedicated ourselves too just the day before.  Yesterday she had 2 pieces of chewing gum.  After I expressed my slight disappointment in her setback I told her to pick herself up and we'll move forward - no looking back.  I think she is re-committed but I guess only time will tell. 

Day # 2 - Jumped Out of Bed

Day 2 - What a wonderful morning - the sun is shining, I had a good nights sleep (dreamt about the good old days when I could eat food that tasted good) and woke up with the love of my life next to me.  OH MY GOD, I can eat something...!!!!  Get up, get up - I'll make the bed later.  Here's your coffee, quick get your coat on (yes we live in sin when my kids are with their dad), love you, talk to you later, bye!!!  What yummy goodness could possibly await me this morning.  I look in my bag - it's like Christmas - and pull out all my delicious food packets (they are very small packets for someone my size).  I make piles - Drinks, Soups, Puddings.  Wait a minute!!!  There are about 10 packs of drinks, 3 puddings and 3 soups.  You have got to be kidding me.  Some of my meals over the next 6 days will be a drink.  Before I jump to conclusions I will have to go home and read the directions on the back of the very small packets and as long as they say mix with 5-7 oz. of Vodka I'll be ok. 
So this morning I had chocolate pudding - I actually ate it in bed while watching TV - pretending it was a special treat to be eating chocolate for breakfast.  Seemed to make me happier to do it that way then sitting at the kitchen table to eat it.  I'm a little excited about how creative I'll become to make this diet work - Salad by the rabbit cage in the back yard - just for dinner company.  A drink in my shaker cup at the bar on a Friday night.  The options are endless. 

2 Quarts of Lettuce - Twice a Day - Are you Kidding Me??!!

Day 1 - We can do this!!!  Mind over Matter.  Let's start with the 64oz. of water we need to drink (the other B of the B team needs to drink more because of a recent kidney issue but we won't go into that).  I have spent 2.5 hours of the last 8 waking hours either in, looking for or heading for a bathroom.  I know I have mentioned that we are past our prime and we have both given birth more then once so all you women out there no what that means - we wet our pants.  We wet them when we sneeze, cough, walk fast, laugh, do jumping jacks (oh, who am I kidding, we haven't done those since elementary school), but you get my point.  Now, let's add 64 oz. to my diet - I was doing 8 oz. at best on my "let's get fat" plan. They didn't mention that Depends may be an additional expense to this diet.
Next we have the lettuce.  We can do lettuce.  We knew in our minds that lettuce was going to be a big part of this diet and we had mentally prepared ourselves and even convinced ourselves how good we could make it taste with all those yummy vegetables we would be able to put on top. 
Now wait, you want me to eat how much lettuce???  Did you say 2 quarts - show me what that looks like.  Oh, that bowl - we can do that but that is a BIG salad.  TWICE A DAY Are you kidding me???  I only gagged on the last 3 fork fulls of my first 2 quarts at lunch.  I can hardly wait for dinner.  How the heck am I going to get the next 2 quarts down.  Looks like I'm going to have the additional expense of the Bullet (and no not the kind to put in my head) to make my 4 quarts of lettuce into some kind of yummy smoothey (A woman can dream can't she).

I'm Nine Months Pregnant

I decided to stop hiding from the reality of what I had become.  I realized the number on the scale was the same number as when I went into the hospital to give birth to my last child.  So, I went into work and announced to everyone that I am officially 9 months pregnant (remember, I'm 50).  Then after the shock and awkwardness dissapated (I like to give some of the shit I say a few moments before fixing things), I completed my sentence with the rest of the story - I now weigh what I weighed 9 months pregnant and smiled and slid onto my ball chair I bought a few years back to build up my core.  To my surprise it has not popped yet so although I have accepted the fact that I have no core I really have gotten my moneys worth by still having a conversation piece as part of my office furniture.

Weighing In

We knew this day was coming if we were actually going to do this diet but the reality of the scale in the room with us - smiling, pointing, bracing itself for the load it was about to bare - was amazingly even more stressful then we imagined.  After slicing our wrists, I mean pricking our finger, and pinky swearing to never repeat the numbers we were about to see, even if our children were about to be harmed, was agreed to, we took turns stepping on the scale. 
ARE YOU FRICKIN' KIDDING ME?  When the heck did that number happen?  Now wait, let me take off my socks, my jewelry, my fake nails so you can try this again.  So there it was ~ We could no longer pretend it wasn't as bad as it really is.  Maybe I'm not done growing (I'm 50).  Maybe your scale needs to be recalibrated.  Maybe, just maybe, we're fat!!!

Our Story Begins

For awhile now I have spent many nights laying in bed wondering how fat I will actually have to get before I am motivated to do something about it.  Never really came up with an answer to that question (as I kept getting bigger and bigger).  Then it happened ~ a call from a friend from my past - the other B of the "B Team" called (she's fat too).  She heard about a new diet ~ do I want to try it with her.  Are you kidding???  Of course I do.  So our story begins.