Day 37 - Weigh-ins - Missed it by 2 pounds!!

I just came from weigh-ins and I'm at a total loss of 18 pounds in just over 5 weeks.  Was really hoping I would hit the 20 pound mark but I guess I'll have to wait another week (and add 2 days to my weekly fasting - woo hoo!!).  I am at the point where my fat pants are finally too big so I'm starting a pile in my bedroom - now what to do with them??  If I had complete confidence in myself and my commitment I would pack them up and donate them but that's a lot of money in jeans and black pants to send out the door.  The plan is to never need them again but what if... If I don't have them lying around what happens if my smaller fat pants that I'm wearing now ever become to tight ~ I won't have them to slip back into.  The theory of getting them out of the house is a good one but can I do it??  I may need to stare at the fat pile for another week or so before I decide.
So I head into week 6 and I will get 2 pounds off this next week so I can loudly proclaim I lost 20 pounds.  Twenty pounds sounds like you are actually doing something about being fat.  Anything under 20 makes me think "that girl is going to throw those 18 pounds back on next week."  I'm not sure why the number 20 means so much to me but it does.  Thirty will be even sweeter and when I hit 40 pounds down I'm having a vodka tonic party for anyone that wants to join me in celebrating.  OK, let's be honest, I'm having that party a number of times before I hit the 40 pound mark.
So my date night of April 4 is fast approaching.  I slipped the plum dress on the other day - and although I'm not svelte, I have to say that it fits and I love it!  That will be one of my vodka tonic celebration days so I better plan on fasting Tuesday and then again weigh-in day next Thursday.  Starvation, leaves, veggies & vodka - I finally found my perfect diet!!!

Day 36 - Let the Fasting Begin!

Lock & load baby!  I can do this.  It's 8:45a.m.  So far, so good! Only 10 more hours to go.  I finished the "Last Supper" at 7:00p.m. last night so I only have to get to 7:00 p.m. tonight.  My initial thought was to call in sick and stay in bed all day watching movies but I realized that I have to face my challenges head on.  It's a bit mind boggling to me this hold that food has on me.  The thing about other addictions is that when you decide to quit you can still live without another drink of alcohol or another drug ~ unlike food.  You will always have to eat so it appears that this food issue will be my constant battle.  I would like to take this time to blame my parents for passing along this mutant food gene.  It cannot solely be my fault... this lack of willpower.  It is definetely not my mom's fault because I have never seen a woman with more willpower then my mother.  She can break a small cookie in half and save the other half to have as her snack tomorrow.  Who does that???  My dad on the other hand will hide in a closet to consume sweets before my mom sees him... Hmmm...I think I know where that flawed gene came from...
Before I'm too harsh on my dad I have to say I have never seen a more pleasant or happy man - ever!!  I absolutely believe that part of that carries over into eating food that makes him happy. His face literally lights up when I sneak him baked goods.  I realize this is far from scientific but as I think about all the happy people I know - it seems to me they are the ones that love to eat.  So does eating make them happy?  I believe it does.  When I think about the people that are fun to be around - we all love to eat - and not the leafy green stuff but the hearty, saucey, rich food.  The ones enjoying their salads and heading to the gym on a daily basis always seem to be a bit on the serious side and on a mission.  My mission everyday is to be happy.  Seems a bit lame and simple but I kind of like that about myself. 
So here I go.  Let's see what no food does to my happy mission today.  Luckily, for my kids sake, they are with their dad tonight.  I'm guessing it's not going to be pretty come 5:00 or so!!

Day 35 - It's Monday - Preparing Myself for the Fast

The scale appears to be stuck and I'm getting a little frustrated...actually a lot frustrated.  I've been exercising, making good food choices, didn't even have a glass of wine all week (or my beloved vodka tonic) and here I am - stuck!  It appears that I may have to take a shot at the fasting diet.  This is something that I believe I will have to prepare for but I'm not sure how.  I wish I had the drive and determination of a great athlete - they make up their mind and they do it!  Where do I find that?  Are you born with it?  Can it be a learned skill?  Can you take a "rarely do I see anything through" kind of person and make them a "driven to the end" kind of person?    I think I need Jillian Michaels and yet I know I would be crying the moment she started screaming in my face which would make her send me home where I would wallow and feel like a complete loser and eat sugar til I puked. 
I tried a personal trainer one time for 3 months.  She was so sweet (and tiny).  She was great the first 2-3 weeks and then I showed up one day and she became the trainer from hell.  At the end of 3 months and tons of salads I had lost 2 pounds.  Now my clothing was looser but the scale had barely budged.  You have got to be kidding me.  I got to pay good money 3 times a week for her to inflict a lot of pain on me and only lose 2 pounds.  "Oh, that's because you have built up muscle".  Oh you're right, look how far I can throw you!!!!  It's the numbers on the scale baby - that's all I want to see!!
So tomorrow everytime I think about food my goal will be to think about something else.  I need to change the happy place in my mind to be something other then a place filled with Italian food, cookie batter, wine & vodka. Time to google - Mind over matter!!!  I'll let you know what I come up with tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Day 33 - Peanut Butter is my Drug.

What is this relationship I have with Peanut Butter?  I realize I could stop buying it so it's not staring at me when I open my pantry but no - I seem to be drawn to it like a magnet in the grocery store.  I justify it by buying the Reduced Fat but the calories are the same - A LOT!!!  This diet is teaching me to have a new understanding (and empathy) of drug use, cigarettes and alcohol - the only difference, no one really notices (or cares) if I'm pigging out on peanut butter. 
OK, enough about my beloved peanut butter.  The exciting part of my day yesterday was when I was ready to get my pjs on last night I actually took my jeans off without unbuttoning or unzipping them.  My kids thought a party of one broke out in my bedroom (which by the way, would not shock my kids) and when I told them the exciting news they just stared at me. Oh just wait my skinny little teenage girls - someday you will be old and chubby (the odds are it's going to happen since we do live in the abundant USofA) and you'll think back on this moment when you're getting your pjs on some night and it will all make sense - you'll feel bad that you had your mom committed.
My goal today - stay away from the peanut butter.  I'm going to keep myself busy and I thought I would attempt to meditate.  The hardest part of that will be for me to sit still for more then 2 minutes.  The easy part will be to empty my mind - it's usually pretty empty! 
I would love to hit the 20 pounds down at weigh-ins this week.  My friend, Jen, did mention a new diet she's trying (which is slightly depressing since she is petite, adorable and skinny - you mean I'm going to spend the rest of my life on a diet even when I'm skinny?).  It's the 2 day a week fasting diet.  Are you kidding me?  A leafy, all vegetable diet w/out sugar or carbs isn't torture enough?  Now you are suggesting that 2 days a week I eat nothing? "Oh not 2 consecutive days".   Oh, well that makes a huge difference - now it sounds like a perfect diet!!!  Just when I thought that a diet couldn't get worse I am proven wrong ~ I know how to lose weight - stop eating anything.  Why didn't I come up with this one   Someone is making money off this new (great) idea.  If I ever look like her - no muffin top ever (even in tight pants), a flat belly, no flab jiggling from her arms and dark curly hair (oh wait, short of an 80's perm which I can't imagine ever going back to - the dark curly hair ain't never going to happen no matter how much weight I lose so I'll give her that one) I have no plans to continue dieting once I look like her.  This may be what goes wrong in my prior weight loss endeavors.  I have to accept the fact that healthy eating and small portions (or the 2 day a week starvation plan) will forever be a part of my life ~ it's a sad day!   

Day 31 - One Month Down & I Just Weighed In

The other member of the B Team is down for the count - sick in bed - which means she missed weigh-ins today.  We are at Day 31 and I am down 16 pounds.  That's a pretty good month especially since there has been some cheating along the way.  My goal is to have another month this good.  We'll see how that goes.  I'm anxious to start throwing in some other forms of exercise - bicycling, swimming, walking & pole dancing (I just wanted to see if you were paying attention - although I may want to look into that - you never see a fat pole dancer & I do want to keep my options open).  The elliptical, although it seems to be effective, is starting to bore me.  I bet that's a shocker!
The next goal on my list it to wear a dress.  Not just any dress but a beautiful dark plum dress that I bought about a year ago because I loved the color and it was originally $115 and I got it for $14.  I brought it home and showed my daughters and their first question was - why did you buy a dress?  You have to understand, they are 14 & 15 and have never seen me wear a dress, so it was a very valid question.  My response...  because I liked it and it only cost $14.  They just shook their head.  I hate when my kids are a killjoy to my little moment of retail happiness. 
The event is on Wed., April 4 and I am going to wear this beautiful dark plum colored dress that accentuates the upper portion of the front of my body.  I figure I better show those puppies off before they disappear - and they will!!! Now the choice is mine.  I can continue to work hard at this diet and exercising and look pretty good in my new dress on April 4 or I can start to waiver and then slip on my new dress and look like the Michelin tire guy.  I better get it out of my closet and hang it in the kitchen for the next 2 weeks.  I'll keep you posted. 
I added one other goal over the next month ~ to learn to dance.  Not formal dancing but just moving my body in a way that doesn't make people wonder if I'm having a seizure.  When I dance it appears that parts of my body are frozen while other parts appear to be moving. I'm not sure if that can be fixed without a strong drug or alcohol.  I know it was possible in Footloose so I'm pretty sure I can make it happen.  Time to head home and boogie on down, rock and roll and body slam the dog ~ this is gonna be fun!!!

Day 29 - My Obsessive Relationship With Food

Occasionally I wish I could crawl into a skinny person's head - actually their body too but I fear I would not crawl back out if I could squeeze myself in their body so let's stick with their head for safety purposes.  I wonder if skinny people think about food as much as men think about sex (which by the way is one to two times an hour and they think about food and sleep just as much as sex - that was a new little tidbit of knowledge to add to my "who really cares" section of my brain.  I LOVE google!).  Now, where was I?  Oh yeah, a skinny person's head.  Thin people seem to have to remind themselves to eat.  Are you kidding me?  Why in the world wasn't I given that gene?  I finish a meal and start planning on what yummy stuff I can have at my next meal.  I honestly can't say that I have ever forgotten to eat.  I may get busy occasionally but even when I'm busy my little brain is saying "Hurry up, we are way behind on an allotted meal."
My daughter is a chemist and I have mentioned to her that if she can come up with a pill that makes you forget to eat a meal or two (everyday) she would be set for life.  I know she could figure it out but she likes to make me work hard at my accomplishments - no short cuts for dear old mom - she supplies me with verbal cheerleading instead which I appreciate but deep down I'm thinking "Just mix me up a damn pill!"  I'm your mom ~ I'm chubby and tired and I allowed you to live through your teen years - you owe me!
So I fill my life with busyness in the hopes that I too will forget to eat.  It hasn't happened in 50 years but I refuse to give up.  In the meantime I will eat breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner, drink my 64 oz. of water & throw in some yummy hot tea (I'm trying to teach myself to like hot tea too) and say over and over again in my fat person's head... "There's no place for flab, there's no place for flab", kick my heels three times and wake up in OZ.  My luck I'll wake up as a flying monkey!

Day 28 - 4 Weeks Down, 12 to Go!!

At this pace - 14 pounds in 4 weeks - I will need to remain on this diet for another 12 weeks.  The likeliness of that happening are slim to none.  I plan on continuing on this weight loss journey but I'm not sure how long I can remain on the leaf, veggie and no flavor diet.  I'm leaning towards Weight Watchers or Body for Life.  I like the idea of Weight Watchers where I can eat anything but it's all about portion control.  My fear with that concept is that as time goes on my portion size may become misconstrued and soon I'll be back to my bad habits of eating portion sizes fit for a sumu wrestler.  I like the Body for Life Diet but you need to do weight training a few times a week and I don't want to commit to joining (and going) to a gym.  So for now I'll continue on my cardboard diet. 
In all honesty I really did like my Vodka and Vegas diet that worked extremely well for me last week.  Down 5.25 pounds in one week and I was a very happy girl!  This is one of those ideas I should run with before Dr. Oz snatches it up and claims it as his own, writes a book and makes millions. If I write my book first it's going to be called the Vodka, Vegas and Vejayjay Diet.  (The vejayjay siting curbed my appetite for a good day and a half).  This diet may be a regional type diet.  I'm not sure how our little town would react if everyone started carrying around their little goblet of goodness as they walked their 10 miles on their lunch break and yet it worked extremely well in Sin City! 
So I may just register my book title and work on the contents over the next 12 weeks.  Of course it would be a "do this at your own risk" deal and I would not recommend checking with your Dr. before trying it.  I can tell you that it will be a fun diet and those are two words you rarely hear in the same sentence.  I think I'm onto something!  When I make my first million I'm taking all my friends on a Carnival Cruise - I think that is another way to lose some weight.  Nothing like sliding around on the deck in raw sewage to make you drop a few pounds.  See that - the ideas are already flowing (no pun intended). Diets don't need to be boring and I'm on a mission to prove my theory!!!

Day 26 - Weigh In's Baby!!!

Weigh-in's yesterday... We walked in and I mentioned to my Diet Guru that I didn't fill in my journal all week because it was basically vodka tonics everyday with a spritz of 10 miles of walking.  She explained to me that I shouldn't expect the scale to move much because of my Las Vegas weakness.  I proceeded to kick my shoes off and step on the scale.  She pushed the hanging weight thingy (a technical term most of you may not have heard before) down the scale to last weeks weight and started pushing it backwards - I swear she kept trying to make it stay at the higher numbers - waiting longer then normal for it to balance.  Finally 5.25 POUNDS later she stopped.  WOO HOO!!!!  I slid my shoes back on and told her I like my diet better then hers...!!!  She wasn't as excited as I was.  So that puts me at 13.5 pounds in 24 days - I'll take it! The other member of the B Team is at 10 pounds down.  We are both quite happy with our progress. 
I skipped breakfast this morning to drop the other half pound so I can tell people I've lost 14 pounds - it sounds better then 13.5 pounds.  On our way out of the Diet Guru's office we met up with the head Guru and he asked us how it's going.  The other half of the B Team announces to him that I lost 5 pounds in Vegas drinking Vodka Tonics.  His response "Expect that to affect your numbers next week."  Wait ~ was that a challenge????  Bring it on baby!!!  I'll show him that my Vodka diet is just as affective as his leafy starvation diet and mine is much more fun!!!

Day 24 - Well Now, Wasn't I Just a Little Ball of Negativity???

Just read my in-flight post and what they heck was that??!!  Wasn't I just a little ray of sunshine?  OK, I'm done ranting about my self-esteem issues - time to look at the other side of my trip to Las Vegas!  Here is a list of all the amazing things that I really did love about Vegas. 
1. I got to go to Las Vegas.
2. We had a fantastic view of the strip from our room. 
3. We went to a great comedy show at the Riveria
4. We went to Cirque Du Soleil's show ~ Zumanity (incredibly sensual and very entertaining
5. We saw Celine Dion at Ceasar's - amazing show!
6. We went to the Mob Experience at the Tropicana
7. We rode the roller coaster at New York, NY
8. We had an incredible meal at a lovely outdoor cafe at the Paris with a perfect view of the water show at the Bellagio.
9. The weather was perfect - in the 70's
10. We did a lot of walking w/some outdoor drinking when we wanted to take a break.
11. We went to two dueling piano bars
12. We heard some great motivational speakers at the PRU Convention.
13. I learned how sports betting works.
14. We had a fun dinner & desserts night w/some of our realtors and spouses.
15. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST was who was with me on my trip ~ my honey!  We really did enjoy all of our time together (except when I got a bit grouchy walking in my heels til my feet were on fire).  I loved the hand holding and contentment I feel when we're together.  And best of all - he loves me no matter what size or shape I am.  I am one lucky gal!!!
So I'm bringing sunshine and positiveness back to my blog (that does not rule out my gift of sarcasm of course).  Weigh-ins are postponed til tomorrow due to my daughter's track meet today!  I'll keep you posted!!!

Day 23 - I'm Back - Did You Miss Me?

I'm writing this on my return flight from Vegas (had to pay $6 but I've missed all of you so much that I figured it was worth the expense to reconnect with you ~ nothing is too good for my friends).  The trip to Vegas was fun, informative (it was for a Prudential Convention) and a little depressing...  The question kept popping into my head that if there is a God why exactly did he make some of the females in this world have perfectly round butts, amazing thighs, beautiful faces & perfect breasts (oh wait, those can be bought).  Seems slightly unfair if you ask me. It is a hard place to get all decked out for to wander out of your room into a sea of women in CFM heels  (sorry anyone under 21 reading this), breasts bulging out of their skin tight, very short dresses (which was the cause of a very disturbing scene at a dulling piano bar one evening when a short, drunk & overweight cutey leaned back against her boyfriend, legs wide open and shared a view of her vajayjay w/me) and beautiful youthfulness.  Then you get to wander into the casinos to find almost naked girls dancing on the tables while people are betting all around them. "Hey, honey look at my new orthopedic shoes I got for this trip for all this walking we are going to be doing - they even have a little heel to make me look sexy.  Honey, honey, I'm over here - remember me??"
I walked every set of stairs I came to - no escaltors, sugar or bread for me - no sir!  I have willpower I tell you.  That is until we were walking for a block or so (which in Vegas means for 1.2 miles) and I became thirsty.  There is a rule against only drinking water while in Vegas and I am a firm believer in following the rules ~ OK, not really, but my water drinking days came to a screeching halt over the last 5 days.  Although the smaller version of what appeared to be water w/a refreshing little green lime floating in it seemed to be just as refreshing as the 64oz of water I've been consuming everday for the last 3 weeks.
I did put $20 in the slot machines last night ~ seemed like I should since I was in Vegas.  I'm not a gambler & would rather have something tangible in my hands after having $20 taken out of them.  Instead, after a mere 15 minutes I walked away with a 20 cent voucher which I did make my honey take to a cash window to be changed into real money.  So that little experience worked well - I lost $19.80 in 15 minutes, had nothing to show for it AND it put me in a bad mood.  Vegas is just a blast ~ kills my self-esteem, takes my money & hurts my feet!
Weigh-ins tomorrow.  If one glass of vodka and half a glass of wine last week only made the scale move a pound - I figure I'll be up about 15 pounds tomorrow...  Should be interesting!!!
I'll be glad to get home.  I've missed all of you!!!

Day 17 - My Pants are Baggy - OK, at Least One Pair Are!

Getting dressed for work this morning I grabbed a pair of black pants (surprise - that's the only color I wear if I'm not wearing jeans) and slipped them on and I actually couldn't wear them because they were too baggy - woo hoo!  Now, this is where the dieting part has not become a complete, 100% part of my brain... I immediately wanted to go celebrate with a giant bowl of oatmeal with brown sugar & cinnamon on top.  The good thing is I wanted a big bowl of oatmeal and not a cream filled doughnut so at least I'm on the way to being healed of this worshipping I have done for so long to my Sugar God!  I stepped on the scale, which I realize is an inatimate object but I have come to form a love/hate relationship with, and the numbers are moving in the right direction.
I absolutely believe it's the exercise I have started that is helping things to move along at the pace I expect/need them too for me to keep going.  I also am floored at the encouragement from everyone around me.  The best thing I've done is invited so many of you into my wacky, wonderful diet journey.  To my family that lets me have the extra vegetables at dinner (I'm sure they hate giving those up), to my friends that don't encourage me to cheat and even let me have a shot of water with them when we are celebrating our girl time.  And to Jen Soliday, in our office, who has been an amazing source of daily encouragment and great suggestions to help me keep my eye on the prize!!  So the saying goes - It takes a village to get Becky to lose weight - or something like that!!!

Day 16 - Are you frickin' kidding me...

Note to self - Find another diet!!!  Let me just give you my total loss in 2 weeks - 8 pounds!  Not bad you say but my total loss for this past week - 1 pound - yep, 1 pound.  I realize I'm going to have good and bad weeks but I followed this diet to the T every day (except for the peanut butter and alcohol incident).  The 2 T of peanut butter and 1 vodka tonic & half glass of wine she assures me was the cause of the slow down in my weight loss.  You have got to be kidding me.  I eat lettuce til it's coming out  my ears, more vegetables in the last 2 weeks of my life then I have in my whole 50 years of being alive, and chicken sales have gone up at our local grocery store.  And above all that - I'm not eating ANY sugar.  That alone should be taking the pounds off faster then 1 pound a week.  As I mentioned before - patience is not my virtue!!!  OK, I'm done complaining.
Weirdest part of this diet is they tell you not to exercise which at first sounded fantastic - lose all this weight and you don't have to get your fat ass off the couch - doesn't get much better then that!! Now I'm thinking it slows down your weightloss so you have to stay on this diet (buying your packaged meals) longer then you would have to if you threw in a sit up here and there.  Well I think it's time to go out on a limb and drag this load of a body onto the elliptical this week and see what the scales say next week.  I'm heading to Vegas and I can tell you right now - I plan on skipping the peanut butter  but there will be more then a drink and a half written down in my journal.  In Vegas style let's take a bet and see if exercise and drinking will bring more then 1 pound off that number on the scale next week.  I'm going to go with - IT BETTER!!!
Off to the elliptical I go!

Day 15 - Cold Weather ~ I Don't Mind... WEIRD!

For years I have attempted to convince myself that I don't mind winter and the lovely bitter cold weather that comes along with it ~ which I really don't mind if it includes being at the top of a mountain with skis on.  But with the forecast of snow in the plans for tonight I am rethinking the reason I try to convince myself that being cold is good.  I finally figured it out.  Do you realize the amount of clothing you can wear in cold weather?  I can cover up my arms that have taken on a life of their own if raised to wave to someone.  I can wear layers that cover up this belly that I look at and wonder when I ever thought it was OK to allow it to not fit inside my pants I wear but instead ooze out over the top and I can cover up these thighs that would make people believe I have competed in speed racing at the Olympics.  Ahhh... that's why I love cold weather.
As spring is on the horizon and less clothes are required I will once again be required to be creative in "attempting" to fool myself and those around me into believing that I'm actually not that big that it's that big Hawiaan blouse with the big flowers that make me look 30 pounds heavier...
So come on baby... bring it on!  I'm getting rid of this extra mini me that has attached itself to me in the form of flab and I'm slipping into some shorts this summer!!!  (A little bummed I missed the window of wearing those little butt showing shorts - now that would be a goal to strive for but at 50 I apologize for giving anyone close to me that split second image).
Come on summer - this year I'll be ready for you!!!

Day 14 - Restaurants in NYC

Here's a little tidbit of info for you - There are 3,500 restuarants in Manhattan, NY City.  If you wanted to try a new one every day it would take you over 9.5 years.  That's a lot of restaurants!!!  Now, if you're on a VERY restricted diet which city do you think you should attempt to avoid???  Well, not me ~ I decided to test my willpower and head on in!   I must say that week 2 appears to be getting better.  I was OK watching my tall, thin honey eat the bread from the bread bowl they set on the table, dipping his herb and garlic encrusted french fries in his ketchup and drinking his beer at the different pubs we stopped in throughout the city.
CONFESSION #2 ~ (Confession #1 was the peanut butter incident last week)
I did have a delicious vodka tonic with my lunch on Saturday and half a glass of wine w/dinner Saturday night - worth every sip!  Ate a salad w/a little bit of balsamic vinegar on it.  And had pork medallions (allowed) in a fruit sauce (not allowed).  I did scape off the sauce but short of rubbing them off with my napkin, I ate some sauce. 
So how can I assure a negative number at my weigh-in's on Wed?  I know - Cut my hair!!!  I have very thick hair and it was getting long (for me).  Walked in a haircuttery in NYC on Sat and had a very hip Italian guy give me a pixie cut - I think that will give me a pound - if not two.  I have stopped shaving my legs weeks ago to use some week when the extra lost poundage may be needed.
One thing has not changed - I LOVE NYC!!!
It's Monday, back on track!