What a wonderful day yesterday. It was a day of friendship and a wonderful reminder to me of all the blessings in my life. I heard from friends by voicemail, text messages, took a trip to Philly with friends I love to hang with and got encouraging posts on facebook from family and friends. The best message I think of all came in a text from my 14 year old daughter I wrote about yesteday and it said, "I saw your blog : )" Again, a reminder that life reallly is about the little things.
So today I will return to my quest to rid myself of my fat that has become so consuming of who I am and who I want to be. I have to be honest ~ this week has been a struggle. I could make a list of all the reasons I strayed from my goal to control and conquer this fight I'm having within myself but instead I will spare you and I will recommit!
I have not shared with my mom that I'm on a diet - for a number of reasons. First of all they have been in Florida since Jan. 1 returning this past weekend for Easter. She is not on a computer nor will she be so it's safe to say she won't be reading my blog anytime soon. Another reason, my mom is small and thin and she can still cause fear in grown men and women! Maybe because she was forced to play Mumbly Peg with her brothers growing up or because their family went from being a very successful family to suffering the affects of the depression and moving up and down the east coast to wherever her father could find work. Or a number of other reasons that made that generation tougher then nails. Anyway, she has ALWAYS taken care of herself. There is a picture of her holding me at a few weeks old and she's wearing her skinny jeans - what the heck!!! My mother has also never been gentle with her words. Never mean or loud - just firm and direct. We grew up with "that shirt makes you look fat" (OK, that's pretty mean) or "If you don't stop eating you are going to grow up to look like your Aunt Helen" (OK, that one is pretty mean too because she was like a manly, massive drill instructor that was as mean as they come - God rest her soul : ). My mom was doing workouts to Jack LaLane when no other women were doing workouts. The true miracle in all of this is that my sister and I aren't anorexic. Somehow we would hear the comments and cristicism and then go on our merry way eating what made us happy. As I've gotten older she doesn't say much to me anymore - I think I've finally worn her down but my dad is now the brunt of her mission to make someone thinner and he too seems to smile and then pray that I've brought some goodies to the office for him to indulge in.
My plan is not to tell her. The way I will know that I have lost enough weight for someone to notice will be the day my mom says, "Are you losing weight?" Until that happens I will forge ahead!!!
I remember a certain woman who used to ask if I'd lost weight when I very clearly had gained over ten pounds. Ugh... But on another note, now I know where I get my ability to generally take criticism in stride or ignore it if it's not constructive. :)
ReplyDeleteMmmmm... I USED to be skinny, spent more of my life skinny than fat. Frustrating! Moms, they become more precious with each passing year! Thanks again for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely adore my mom and admire her strength and her amazing example of loving my dad beyond words & teaching us to give back to others and our community. What a role model to have. She is my hero!
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